Update 3: Not Just To Want

Hello everyone and thanks for all the emails - keep em coming!

I have found a home and a wonderful one too. I'm at [x], if you want to come visit, send letters or money ;-)

It's a huge old rambling house, with 7 bedrooms and only one shower (arrrgh terrible). But my room is a huge gorgeous ground floor place, with my own private little glass conservatory attached, with French windows leading right out into the garden - like my own personal sitting room. It has a wonderful spirit and energy - all mauve and blue and white.

My housemates are a real mix - some good, some bad, which can be entertaining. First the 3 English - we have N, the raving drunk (but after a huge explosion on my second night there, he has been very well behaved), G the Invisible Man (comes home, goes straight into his room, and we never see him again, except for the occasional sighting as he flits past into the bathroom), and R - a fab girl. She is our resident "exotic dancer" - yes, she's a stripper, and a really cool girl too. She has turned her room into a stunning Aladdin's cave of treasures - glitter, sparkles, lights, mobiles and gorgeous dance outfits ...

Then the rest of us travellers - there's Y, a young sleek good-looking smoothie, very nice. And K, a very quiet accountant - he and I have got into the habit of watching tv soaps together - Coronation Street and Eastenders. And my other fave is V, a stunning young Indian girl, we get on like a house on fire.

Five of us - Y (and his best mate, DMX – don’t ask where that name comes from, I couldn’t tell you - who is dossing with us at present - we love him, and a mean pool player too), K, V and me - went pubbing last night round Finchley. We had a FANTASTIC time, and I didn't feel my age at all, and we all got on like long-standing best mates, and just had a wonderful time.

I did some gardening in our lovely little garden yesterday morning. (People were gobsmacked.) I was deeply proud of myself - although I'm not sure if I've killed anything yet. I mowed the lawn, cut back the ivy, dead-headed the roses and revealed some new daffodils (still to flower) tucked away in a corner. Then I sat out with my coffee and enjoyed the sunshine, blinking in the light like a mole just come up for air ... hahaha

It was more wonderful than you can imagine, after my first week of working so hard, to spend the day out in the sun, have a day off, and explore my surroundings. It took me some way out of my deep depression and homesickness, and brought me back to myself a bit.Work has been really hard - the discipline of commuting for 80 mins a day on the tube, and then sitting in an office for 8 straight hours, bound to a desk. You leave home in the semi-light, and arrive back home in the dark. It's really tough. And the work is mind-blowingly boring - stuffing envelopes, typing bits and pieces, answering phones, photocopying and binding.But I simply have to put my head down and apply myself for the next 8 weeks, just to get my finances sorted out. I will be hitting a serious cashflow trap in week 4 of my budget, I'm just hoping I can get away with paying my rent a few days late :-0

Otherwise, the first wave of homesickness has passed. It has been surreal, as if I am dreaming a very real, very detailed dream of London. I feel as if I'm travelling in my dream on the tube, up the escalators, through the pathways of London, and in the morning I'll wake up and look out to the bushveld in Ruimsig, where my dogs will be playing on the green lawns.Now of course, that feeling has passed and it is reversed. I dream of my dogs (no longer really "mine"), and of the cottage in great detail. Wistfully, although it all feels so very far away. Not only in miles but in time. It's only been 2 weeks, yet it feels like months. And 8 months is a long time still to go - a long distance to cover.

But everywhere I see small signs = a statue with the word "fortitude" - and it speaks to me. A horoscope tells me "not just to want, but to grab the opportunity to COMMIT". Yes, that's what I have to do.

I refuse for the moment to believe that I am here for ever. It doesn't feel like home. Africa is home. But I can make plans. And my round-the-world trip in 2009 is really something great to plan for. And I have decided that one day I want to own property in London. Another goal. Feels like I'm coming back on track ...

I think of you all lots, and miss you more than words can say.